Over Capacity

*DISCLAIMER* I wrote the beginning of this blog post on June 26, 2014 after going on a self imposed writing hiatus. But I felt it was important to kind of backtrack a little to give some info on how I started writing and why I do it.

So here we go…

I’m a little ashamed to say how long it’s been since I’ve sat down and had a writing session. I think if I were to be completely honest with myself I would have to admit that I was running from it. So this entry isn’t going to be my normal personal experience that eventually ties into a lesson I’ve learned that brought me closer to God. At least I don’t so lol.

As I sit here and type this on my Ipad I can’t really pinpoint a specific event or decision that kinda catapulted me into this almost outright avoidance of writing. So I guess I’ll start with a little bit of background that may help you understand where I’m coming from.

When I started my journey in my relationship with God, it awakened this need/desire to write. Before I couldn’t really keep a journal or diary because I felt like my thoughts would move way too quickly for me to write them down. So after some convincing from my sister Dyshavia, I decided to get a journal to kinda keep track of my growth with God. What started as more of a prayer book to kinda write down my fears etc grew into more of a book of dialogue between me and God. Looking back on it now I’m glad that I did it because I was able to write down the first time that I heard from God.

As I started to read and learn more I noticed that I was writing notes and thoughts that I got from different lessons in my journal, and that just didn’t fit to me so I got a notebook. Actually I got a couple notebooks, backpack, pens and highlighters lol. Once I opened that notebook things were never the same lol.

So my study set up was born: my notebook, my 2 bibles(KJV and NIV), pen and highlighters. *Now it’s pretty much the same I just added note cards, HCSB and message version bibles*. To go from almost falling asleep every time I attempted to read the bible to literally not being able to read a chapter without writing almost a full page explaining it and relating it life is amazing. When I write it’s almost like the thoughts and examples pop up and smack me in the head lol. I’ve done everything from sitting in the same place for hours at a time dissecting a passage, to researching the meaning of ignorance and it’s appearances in the bible (which to this day I still don’t know what I’m sitting on that info for lol) *I’m now about 70% sure of what I’m supposed to use that for*

While I’m super thankful to God for giving me this gift, it can still be pretty draining. Sometimes I feel like it would be so much easier to just read and not feel the overwhelming desire to write about it. I felt so strongly about this that I honestly tried to avoid it altogether. Even though I felt this pull to read and study I ignored it because I “just didn’t feel like writing” and because of this I’ve had a spiritual back up. When I think about it I picture a completely overstuffed closet and someone trying desperately to hold the door closed, only to have all the stuff inside end up flying out. So right now my stuff has flown out and I’m sitting on the floor assessing the damage lol.

When I wrote in my journal last night I couldn’t remember the last time I heard God speak to me and that realization on its own was enough to bring me to tears. There is honestly no better gift that God has given me than the ability to hear Him speak to me. For so long I lived in that silence and felt abandoned by Him or beyond His reach. And I’ll tell you something right now I’m NEVER going back to that place! So I’ll gladly take a little bit of mental fatigue to bring glory to His name and bring myself and others close to Him.

*UPDATE*

After reading that you would probably think that’s a lesson I would never have to learn again right? Wrong! Much like our flesh has to die daily, we have to actively and purposely spend time with Him.

Not too long after I got into a relationship where I was basically made fun of for my relationship and dedication to God, I slowly started to become distant from Him. What started as skipping a few nights of reading and studying turned into months. And of course this lead to yet another spiritual back up. But after reaching an emotional low that I thought I would never reach I got back to my source of strength, God.

To save this from being a ten page long post we’ll do a quick fast forward to now. As you already know, I’m back to my writing! And now I get to post it and articles from other writers on my own site, Crowned Inn Collection.

Do you feel all caught up because I sure do!

#lifestyle